ConstituentDegree:

Haha…great humor and truth right here.

Originally posted on humourstories:

It all starts when she picks her target. She is good at judging a guy based on his appearance and she can easily spot a guy who is worthy of her attention.

Soon, after basic research of your locations she ensures that she is in your proximity. A situation arises whereby you are forced to interact with her. Before you know it, she has been nice to you smiled and probably made you take her phone number.

Turns out that she is really cool. She even compliments you, something other girls have rarely done. Ego massaging and all. She replies to your texts and before you know it you have asked her out on a date after she subtly hinted “Hey, we should do lunch”. This is where you summon your internal financial planner and mobilise date funds.

She is really good. She asks all the right questions. “What do…

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LADIES..WORLD CUP RULES!

Posted: June 12, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Ladies, the greatest football show in the world is here and at such a time you might find yourself in trouble due to some unpsoken rules. Just so you are on the safe side, I’ve shared the below rules or disclaimer or whichever name you may call them as a kind gesture from us men to you. READ and FOLLOW this. You don’t wanna be caught on the wrong side.

1. If I hear you say Cristiano Ronaldo (or anyone else) is hot whilst I’m watching with you, you’ll be sent out.

2. When the World Cup is on, the TV is mine (remote, decoder, dish etc). Any other program is secondary and highly unnecessary.

3. I will most likely have a bet on so if you see me annoyed or upset if one of my teams is losing don’t you dare say:

-it’s only a game

-get over it OR

-they will win next tine

Mentioning any of the above will result in a break up or divorce.

4. Having sex while am watching the game is out of bounds. You don’t do it normally so don’t do it to get my attention, well unless its oral or doggy of which in both positions I am facing the TV and I am not losing any focus. Anything other than that can wait till July 14th.

5. Replays are very important; I don’t care if I have seen it. If need be I will rewind and watch the game again.

6. I will not be attending any of your friends’ parties, weddings, gatherings etc. I am fully booked; unless it involves watching the World Cup.

 7. You are welcome to watch the game with me as long as you are SILENT.

 8. DON’T ask me what the offside rule is. The answer will always be: “Why are you not in the kitchen?”

 9. The referee is always a wanker.

 10. If you hear me scream your name, be ready to;

-Grab me a beer,

-Grab me a snack,

-Bring me new batteries for the remote.

 If any of the above are breached or not followed you will:

 1st breach: Receive a warning.

2nd breach: Be told to get out of the room.

3rd breach: Finished or divorced.

 3 strikes and you’re out!!!

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Identifying an Engineer

Posted: June 4, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Moyes..and The Broken Records

Posted: April 23, 2014 in Uncategorized
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I could not resist having a piece of Moyes when everyone else was. Mr ‘Give this man 3 points’ as he is popularly known by the football fraternity for the past 9 months, has been a darling and a pain in the ass to the respective fans..if you know what i mean. The SAF proclaimed ‘Chosen One’ came, saw and shattered every record that he could get a hold of. I donno whether he was destroying all the foundation work that his predecessor set so he could build his own or…but i guess now we wont find out since the axe has already fallen on him.

The main man

Here is the list of the records he has broken..at least those we know of:

  • United are guaranteed to finish the season with their lowest ever Premier League points tally.
  • United will fail to qualify for the Champions League for the first time since 1995.
  • United has had the worst home league form for over a decade.
  • United has suffered three defeats in a row for the first time since 2001 this season.
  • United was eliminated in the FA Cup third round – something which happened just once under Ferguson.
  • They had the first ever home losses to Swansea this term, to Newcastle since 1972 and to West Brom since 1978.
  • Their first league defeat to Stoke since 1984.
  • The first time United conceded a 1st minute goal in the Premier League – Dzeko for City.
  • The first time Man City & Liverpool have beaten United home & away since Premier League’s inception..the Liverpool one is gonna hurt.
  • The first time Everton, Man City & Liverpool have beaten United home & away since Premier League’s inception.
  • The first time Everton have beaten United home and away since 1969-70.
  • The first time Everton & Liverpool have ever done a league double over United.

The last four points are distinct from each other and no repetition has been made. At least Moyes can leave having known Wenger did not beat United at it’s worst season. Adios David Willy Moyes.

Source: Harry Sherlock.

LESSONS FROM NOAH’S ARK?

Posted: April 9, 2014 in Uncategorized

Noah’s ark (not the movie currently at the theaters) displays great lessons when we look at that story closely. Some the great lessons are…

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Don’t miss the boat (not literally).
Remember that we are all in the same boat (pun unintended).
Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
Stay fit. When you’re really old someone may ask you to do something really big.
Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Build your future on higher ground.
For safety (and loneliness) sake, travel in pairs.
Speed isn’t always an advantage..the snails were on board with the cheetahs.
When you’re stressed, just float awhile.
Remember the ark was built with amateurs and the Titanic by professionals..scratch that…engineers!
No matter the storm, when you’re with God there’s always a rainbow waiting.

WHO IS DOING WHO..??

Posted: April 8, 2014 in Uncategorized
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A lot of men act like they are doing a woman a favor by asking for their hand in marriage, but lets go through this first:

She changes her name

She changes her home and moves in with you

She leaves her family and builds a home with you

She gets pregnant for you

She bears a child for you

Pregnancy ruins her once flawless figure

She gets fat in the process

The kids she delivers bear your name

Up to the day she dies everything she does benefits you…

So really, who is doing who a favor?

 

PS. This post has been shared.

 

dada son

I have been inspired to write this because I’m concerned about what my son (if I’ll have one) will think of women. My dad taught me how to be real man and I shall do the same to save my son from becoming a douche. . We are living in a society where the majority has misconceptions and wrong priorities. I’m afraid that unlike me, my son will view women as sexual tools only and nothing else.

With the increasing number of women who are willing to post naked pictures in the internet and seek cheap fame through their bodily curves, I’m afraid that my son will only see women in a way what these ratchets portray themselves – sexual figures.

Kenya is becoming a ‘socialites’ den. The definition of socialite has been twisted but these ladies are running away with the word while singing, “Catch us if you can.”   Every day, these symbols of sexuality are increasing in numbers. Huddah, Vera, Risper, Corazon, Horizon etc… Ooh is there one called Horizon too? I’ve lost count.

You know the feeling you get when someone insists on showing you their car yet you have a much better car than they do? That’s the feeling I get when I see socialites. I don’t understand why a specific group of people decide to show us their inflated body parts yet some of us have wives or girlfriends with far more attractive bodily features.

I’m still afraid that my son will see women as breasts and bum only. I’m afraid that my son will be like a medieval African King who sees females as nothing but property. With the amount of publicity that nudity is getting, things will only get worse.  Sexual prowess is being given priority over intellect. We are destroying all the pinnacles that great men and women in history fought for.

I don’t want my son to see women as just ‘tap mates.‘ I want my son to see women as the special beings that God created them to be. Here is what I’ll tell my son

Appreciate a woman but don’t tolerate her misdemeanors

Every woman loves to be appreciated. It doesn’t matter whether she deserves the appreciation or not. If she makes an effort, it’s your duty to appreciate. When she cooks that awful dinner for you after really trying her best to make it come out right, she needs to hear and know that you appreciate it. Women love to hear you say this food is good” and “you look good”.

However, In as much as a woman loves to be appreciated, she wouldn’t respect a man who kisses her ass. If she gives you bullshit, give her bullshit too. She’ll realize where she went wrong. Remember that it’s not a woman’s job to take care of you all day long or to do domestic chores all year round, Don’t let her overwork. Equal contribution and participation is essential for a long lasting relationship.

Don’t compare, simply understand

Don’t compare a woman with your mother or your first love. Women vary in everything and that is why it shouldn’t be expected that all women carry the same qualities. Sometimes women are complex so don’t always try to immerse yourself into their merry-go-round. You might shame yourself like one Colonel Mustapha.

Different women have different characteristics and it’s in your power to understand them and make a choice. Don’t spend your days trying to change a woman. As you waste time doing that, your peers will be doing greater things and getting ahead of you. If a lady wants to change for you, she will, even without you asking for it.  Comparing the present woman with the past one is simply unreasonable too. Generations change but morals and intellect should remain. That should be your basis for drawing a conclusion.

Respect a woman but judge her too

Respect a woman and engage her in various aspects of life, not just sexually.  Be a gentleman but don’t forget to judge. Have the ability to differentiate a respectable woman from a lost woman. A woman who drops her pants freely is worth your general respect but not worth your commitment or time. A woman who clears bitter liquor in minutes doesn’t mind showing of all her body parts to the world might seem desirable, but remember that, ‘The greatest of pleasures come with the greatest of pains.’  It’s better to enjoy good things in moderation than all at once. .

Do not try too hard

Women tend to have their preferences.  If she is different from any other woman you have been with before, it is simply because that is how her persona is. If she doesn’t like you, don’t force it. Cliches state that there’s plenty of sea in the fish in the sea and that’s very true.  You have two options, either try to comprehend what makes her click or don’t bother trying to enter her life.

Do not go crazy and do things that insane men do. Never force yourself on a woman and never force a woman on yourself. If you conduct yourself as an insightful and action oriented man, you will always get the best women.  So be a man.

I believe you will be wise enough to figure it out anything else yourself.

 

N.B. I have re-blogged this post by Philip Etemesi from the Niaje blog after it caught my eye and i claim no ownership of the content.